E26: Jay Williams on Commitment Issues, Taking Off the Masks, and Why Men Can’t Talk About Their Feelings

Welcome into The Sandbox, a podcast for young professionals where we explore the building blocks for being successful after your 20’s.

Today’s guest is Jay Williams, the Founder of Maskless Men, an community based organization built for men to discuss the things we normally don’t to talk about: break ups, emotions, family and parenting issues, sex, porn, the feeling of being inadequate, and more. Jay started Maskless Men after he saw the need for men to have a place to open up, share how they’re feeling, and gain some reassurance that they are not alone.

In this conversation, Jay will talk about his 28 years of wearing what he calls masks. Being the good child, the agreeable and pleasing boyfriend, the tough, macho man at work, the loud, confident, funny friend. Jay decided he had enough. He became exhausted acting as a different personality depending on who he was with. He built the courage to take off the mask, go on a journey of self-discovery, and start showing up as his true authentic self.

For everyone listening to this episode, I hope you’ll begin to reflect how your upbringing may be affecting your relationships today, why showing up as your authentic self is more important than fitting in, and making a claim against outdated, harmful behavior norm that men can’t express their feelings.

Show Notes:

[2:28] How Jay’s childhood created commitment issues later in life

[14:55] Wearing different masks to fit into your environment

[23:57] Why can’t men talk about their feelings?

[50:21] Should you be proud to be a male today?

Favorite Quotes:

[6:57] “I’m terrified that what happened to my mom and dad is what is going to happen to me.”

[29:21] “And he turned around and said…I want that too.”

[44:37] “When you are in your head, you’re dead.”

[53:20] “We are not our behaviors. Our behaviors are just a way of expressing what we are needing or feeling”

Mentions:

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman (https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X)